Ulagam pirandhadhu enakaga..

Nethu sema depressed-a irundhen, everything looked so gloomy and depressing. Ennada life idhu, onnum puriya maatengudhu-nu. Work vandha, everything appears so new and needs learning everyday, endha matter-ume vilanga mattengudhe-nu kaduppayitte irundhen.

Well, for one thing, this is the first project in this domain for me, as a result naan niraya kathuka vendi iruku, and things arent the same as what I am used to work on or excelled in. Ellame mudhallerndhu kathukanum-na enna vilayatta? Che, ippadi oru kevalamana jandhu-va irukome, makku, maramandai ellathoda muzhumudhal vilakkama irukome-nu sema depression..ennala yaruku enna prayojanam, paisa labam iruka nammala adhu idhu-nu bayangarama thought process. Ofcourse people have told me that I am doing good for a first-timer in this domain, aana that does not mean I am doing good, right? Enake ennai partha kevalama therinjudhu nethu full-a..naama eppadi munnera porom life-la, ippadilam muttala irundha..onnu vilangudha indha matti moolai-ku? Edhayavadhu urupadiya seyarena naan? Depression depression depression, engengu kaninum depression-ada appadinu padara range-ku poiten. Kanla thanni mattumdhan varala, but the whole of my heart was so heavy that the only thing I wanted was to explode with a biggggg blast!

Personal-avum yarkavadhu naama important-a irukoma, nammala yarkavadhu sandosham iruka...ippadi arpa manida piravi-ya irukene-nu adhu oru thani thread odudhu..so essentially my whole mind was running a full memory consuming process consisting of so many threads each with priority 5 vying for the CPU time. I was in my all-time lows last night that I just wanted to shut myself up in some 4x4 dark room. Yosichu yosichu day pass panni kadaiseela thoongavum thoongiten (ofcourse dinner ellam saptutudhan :D, ennadhan depression-nalum dinner marakaradha, chanceless!!)

Kaalaila ezhundhen with the same pressing thoughts, but the new light gave me some enthusiasm..idhellam ovvoru individual-kum vara feeling, I mean enthusiasm out of a new day, nothing cinematic about it - and I started humming "Ulagam pirandhadhu enakaga" and was thinking in the lines of "enna pudalanga domain, jujubi, namaku therila-na enna, kathukalam..kathukardhu enna pudhusa enna namaku? Adhan ovvoru naalum panrome"-nu oru pudhu thread arambichudhu..it soon came up to Priority 5 and demoted the other threads and took up the entire CPU, yeah, ofcourse micha thread-ellam oru kutti corner-la odittudhan iruku, but ok,hopefully I can kill them soon enough..